When I first became a parent, I was excited about the many adventures that lay ahead. I imagined countless moments of joy, wonder, and discovery as I navigated the path of parenthood with my children. What I didn’t anticipate was how much I would need to actually make space for my own interests and self-care. And for me, self-care took the particular form of reading good books.
Reading has always been part of my life, but I didn’t see just how crucial it would become in parenting. As I dove deeper into books on parenting, psychology, and even novels, I came to understand that the right books have the power to shape not only the way I parent, but also the way I and my children view the world.
A Shift in Perspective
I have always been an avid reader. When I was in middle school, my bookshelves were stocked with The Baby-Sitters Club and Sweet Valley Twins. In high school and college, I was reading more classic novels such as Jane Eyre as well as historical fiction and the occasional self-help or spiritual book, while also indulging in Harry Potter. In young adulthood, a group of friends started a book club, and we challenged ourselves with a variety of books. As I started having kids, though, my reading fell by the wayside for a period of time. I read lighter books when possible, but it was challenging to find time when something or someone didn’t need me.
Reading had always been a way to escape or unwind after a busy day; in other words, it was a luxury. As a parent, I wasn’t prioritizing it over sleep, laundry, or the other thousand things that needed to be done. But it also felt like there was a part of me that was missing. It finally dawned on me that I wasn’t making time for myself, for activities that made me who I was. I also figured out that if something was important enough to me, I would make time for it. So I started making time for myself – and that included space to read good books.
Knowledge as Empowerment
At first, I went back to reading pretty light books that would keep me entertained. Then, as reading grew to be part of my day, I tried to find books that had a deeper meaning. I craved reading that would shape my understanding of the world and how I wanted my kids to see it.
The “Non-reading” Reading Option
I will admit that I am not one to sit down and be able to read, cover-to-cover, the popular parenting books out there. Non-fiction informative books like this typically don’t catch my interest enough for me to keep my tired eyes open. What does work for me is an audiobook. I can listen to books on empathy, positive discipline, etc. while I am driving around, doing laundry, or making dinner.
Books on Parenting and Childhood
The more I read, the more I realized that being a parent wasn’t just about teaching my children—it was about growing alongside them. There are many great parenting books out there. (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is one.) As I delved into books that directly related to my relationships with my kids, I began to change how I interacted with them.
I also read books that had more to do with my own parenting journey with my neurodiverse daughter. (An example is Different: The Story of an Outside-the-Box Kid and the Mom Who Loved Him by Sally and Nathan Clarkson). And as I try to navigate smart phones and the challenges of balancing screen time for my kids – and myself! – I’ve had The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt recommended to me enough times that I’m finally diving in.
The more I read on these topics, the more I began to see parenting not as a set of rules to enforce, but as a journey of mutual respect and growth. The knowledge I gained empowered me to make better decisions, not just for my children, but for myself too.
A Deeper Connection
Reading Together to Share Joy
It’s not just books about parenting that have shaped my journey. It’s also literature that has taught me valuable life lessons that I now share with my children. As a parent, I wanted to instill a love for reading in them. But more than that, I wanted to share the joy of stories and the lessons embedded within them. I started reading books aloud to my children at a very young age, as it was the type of parenting I enjoyed most (imaginative play is a challenge for me!). My kids are 10+ now, and we still have picture and informative books that are pulled off the shelf often.
Reading Together to Share Learning
We also love reading chapter books together as a family or listening to audiobooks together whenever we’re on the road. We’ve discovered new worlds together in The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, laughed at many amazing characters created by Roald Dahl, and adventured together through The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson and The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. These stories, though written for children, carry deep messages about kindness, bravery, and resilience.
As we read these books together, I saw my children’s eyes light up, not just from the adventure, but from the themes woven throughout the stories. They would beg to read (or listen) to “just a little bit more!” And their little lives would be shaped by these stories of daring and heroes and kindness, probably more than I would have expected.
Reading Separately to Know More about Each Other
We don’t even have to read books together to enjoy them together (though reading aloud is still my favorite!). Sometimes my son or daughter will cry out, “Mom, you just HAVE to read this!” as they suggest a book. I try to make these a priority so we can talk about them together: what in this book was realistic? What did you like the most? Did it make you cry like it made me cry??
Books have become a sort of bridge between us. They have provided the opportunity to discuss complex emotions, experiences, and ideas. Whether we’re reading about a young girl who overcomes adversity, a robot who experiences emotions as he is built and sent to Mars, or a magical world where anything seems possible, we’re engaging in important conversations about what it means to be human.
Leading by Example
We all know that children don’t just listen to what you say—they watch what you do. The more I read, I realized that I had to model the behaviors I wanted to see in my children. If I wanted them to grow up as curious, compassionate, and thoughtful individuals, then I needed to be the same. I fail frequently, but I also know they are picking up good habits from me, including a love for reading.
I used to only read in bed at night, when my children were sleeping. Now I try to occasionally read in the living room so that they see me engrossed in a story. We also talk about the books we’re reading. “Reading dinners” are also an event we’ve implemented about once a week in our home. Everyone is welcome to bring their book to the table and read while we eat… and try not to spill!
Reading has become a family activity in our home. My kids frequently see me, my husband, or my extended family reading or discussing their latest books. I’ve seen how our love for books has inspired my children to develop their own reading habits. When we visit the library together, we bring home piles upon piles of books. The house is then silent for hours as they dive into reading them all. They put books on their birthday and Christmas lists, just like we do. And we still read together at night, when possible.
But it’s not just about the act of reading—it’s about what reading fosters in our relationship. It fosters conversations. It fosters empathy. It fosters a deeper connection. And, most importantly, it fosters a shared love of learning.
The Power of Self-Care
There are days when parenting feels like an endless cycle of tasks: feed, clean, organize, repeat. It’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when you’re in the thick of it. But one of the most important lessons I’ve learned from reading is the value of self-care. Taking time from my day for reading, no matter how tired I am or how much else needs to be done, helps me to navigate the challenges of parenting without losing myself in the process.
By reading good books, I’ve learned to forgive myself for not being a perfect parent. Whether it’s a giant page-turner, a deeply relevant guide, or an inspiring spiritual journey, books remind me to let go of the guilt that often accompanies parenthood. This has allowed me to show up for my children in a healthier, more balanced way. When I spend time reading and reflecting, I’m reminded that taking care of myself ultimately makes me a better parent.
Read Good Books… for Yourself AND for Your Child
Looking back on my parenting journey, reading has been one of the most important tools I’ve had in my toolkit. I honestly can’t imagine parenting without books, and am grateful I live in a place where they are readily available. It has shaped the way I view my role as a parent, deepened my connection with my children, and helped me grow alongside them. Books have provided me with knowledge, comfort, and guidance, and they continue to be a source of inspiration and strength.
As a parent, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of advice and opinions out there. But the one thing that remains constant is the power of reading. Whether it’s a parenting guide, a self-help book, or a children’s novel, good books have the power to change the way we see the world and our place in it. So, to all the parents out there, especially those who already consider themselves bookworms: keep reading. It’s one of the best gifts you can give not only to your child but to yourself.
