Expecting multiples can be both an exhilarating and daunting experience. (Did you laugh AND cry when you found out?!) As you navigate the whirlwind of pregnancy, preparation, and the unique challenges that come with raising twins, triplets, or more, it’s natural to have a myriad of questions swirling in your mind. What joys lie ahead? What challenges are coming your way?
In honor of our multiples class starting up on November 13, we reached out to seasoned parents of multiples, gathering their thoughts on the best parts of having multiple little ones, the tougher moments, and the advice they wish they had received before diving into this wild ride. Their heartfelt insights will not only provide reassurance but also prepare you for the beautiful chaos that awaits. So grab a cup of coffee (and enjoy it hot, while you still can) and dive into the wisdom shared by those who’ve walked this path before you.
What was the hardest part of having multiples?
“Double the work! And when both are crying and you have to prioritize one… It’s chaos. But it’s joyful chaos. Keep your expectations low and you’ll do great!” –Liz, parent of twins
“I wish I’d known more about what to expect with early preemie delivery – a common occurrence for multiples and quite scary for parents.” –Naiomi, parent of twins
“Finding babysitters was hard for a long time, and it may require two babysitters for a number of years. We also had multiple older children, all within five years of each other. But, although you are constantly taking care of two babies/toddlers/kids by yourself, it is not necessarily a task just anyone else is capable of. It was the most physically challenging pregnancy and recovery. I did PT after they were born because of how my muscles were stretched out of shape and had been compensating for the extra weight. Also – there were no maternity clothes that properly fit. I had to learn how to set boundaries/request specific help. There is so much help needed, but I still wanted to feel in charge and feel like I was capable of caring for the babies. Take some time to reflect and know what is best for you.” –Kayla, parent of twins
“I felt like we had a bit of PTSD coming out of the ‘little’ years. Just sooo much to do and someone always needed something (also a feature of having multiple young non-twin siblings).” –David, parent of twins
“The newborn stage, until we got them to sleep better!” –Jessica, parent of twins
“I wish someone would have also told me how absolutely gut-wrenching it is in the early days to be constantly triaging – there isn’t a lot of time to snuggle your babies – it’s a lot of pure survival and kind of whack-a-mole tending to needs. It was so hard as a first time mom to not feel like an awful person when one of my babies was crying while I was tending to the other – but it’s normal and your babies will be fine! It also gets easier to manage your own feelings about it as they get older and you learn their cues.” –Erin, parent of twins
“Lots of hard parts! Having them in the NICU and special care nurseries for almost two months was the hardest. Lots of strength, prayers, and hope needed when they’re so tiny and can’t survive on their own yet. And as they get older, it’s hard to get them to do things without them influencing each other in either direction. For example, if one doesn’t want dinner the other one automatically doesn’t want dinner. 
“I had my twins first, so I would say that the hardest part of having multiples was how different I felt from other mothers. I really felt shut out from a lot of community aspects of early motherhood; mothers of singletons would immediately feel that they couldn’t talk about struggles in my presence ‘because I had it harder’ or people would decline to give me advice or share perspectives (even when I asked for it!) ‘because they never had twins.’ Other mothers of twins told me that resources like ECFE or Mommy and Me classes weren’t really built for parents with more than one infant so I shouldn’t bother, and as a result my early motherhood was quite isolated.” –Amy, parent of twins
“It’s really challenging, day to day, because you are doubling your snuggles, bottles, diapers, soothing, doctors’ visits, etc.” –John, parent of twins
“Juggling the needs of two (or more) very different babies with different needs at different times. Before they get on a similar schedule, it can feel like you are constantly meeting the next need and switching between your two (or more) babies.” –Annaka, parent of twins
“The most challenging part of being a parent of multiples is feeling like you can never give enough. Right or wrong, I felt that every time I held, or played with, or otherwise engaged one child, I was implicitly ignoring or disregarding another, even if each child deserves that special time with me. The worst thing I experience is when all three are crying and want you and need you and are holding out their hands for you but you don’t have enough arms to hold all three. It’s an impossible choice you’re sometimes forced to make, and you have to make it every day. All you can do is try to understand that your best is enough.” –Ben, parent of triplets
What is one thing you wish someone would have told you about having multiples?
“The necessity of humility and humor!!
“The baby brezza and Twin–Z are truly lifesavers. Sleep in shifts if you can – best decision we ever made. That and formula… don’t know how we would have made it otherwise. Oh, and an overnight doula once a week (ask for family to contribute to the $$) just to have a night of sleep to look forward to!” –Liz, parent of twins
“Less is more. The only thing I actually needed double of was burpcloths. It’s easier to keep up with bottles and dishes and laundry if there is less of it to do.” –Kayla, parent of twins
“They are really not that scary.” –David, parent of twins
“I wish someone would have told me that it’s okay if you can’t get them on a schedule for the first six months (or until their naps consolidate). I went absolutely bonkers the first few months trying to follow all the online schedules and it just wasn’t working.” –Erin, parent of twins
“Something I wish I’d been told beforehand is to just dive head-first into big changes. It feels like every month, as the babies’ abilities and needs change, we make a major change to our systems, routines, or parenting philosophy. At first we’d approach these changes timidly with half measures, but quickly learned that our kids were resilient (as were we) and things were easier and smoother when we just said ‘this is the new way things are’ and went with it.” –Ben, parent of triplets
“It can be so difficult and confusing in those early months and you should ask for help because people want to help you (even just someone coming over to keep you company and do nothing!). Everyone has a different way of helping and they can all feel healing. Seriously, take the help! But, also, once you find your rhythm and get through the initial postpartum fog, the fun and joy outweigh everything else!” –Annaka, parent of twins
“I wish someone had told me how different they can be, and how much of my role as their mother is valuing their differences when other people often cannot see past their similarities. My twins are identical, so even though they are as alike as two humans can possibly be, they are still different from each other AND unique human beings made in the image and likeness of God. They have really taught me how much of our personality is innate.” –Amy, parent of twins
“To always say yes when people want to help out!” –John, parent of twins
What is the best part of having multiples?
“You don’t have to share the baby snuggles with your partner. By 6 months you get to watch them interact and be silly with each other. Plus, total badass street cred–anytime we tell folks we have twins, we get the ‘oh, you’re a superhero’ response that really all parents should get… but it still feels good and is always a confidence boost!” –Liz, parent of twins
“It made it easier to be ok with them fussing to sleep, or working out small difficulties because I could not be everywhere at once.” –Kayla, parent of twins
“Seeing them being so different despite a common environment. This goes with all siblings, but you see it happen at the same time with twins. It is always wild to me how different they can be.” –David, parent of twins
“Feeling ‘full’ while holding two babies at once. One for each arm, lap.” –David, parent of twins
“They are twice the cuteness! And they have a very special best buddy.” –Jessica, parent of twins
“The best part of having multiples is seeing them interact with one another. The first time they ’noticed’ each other at around 5 months melted my heart! I may have shed a tear or two.” –Erin, parent of twins
“The best thing about multiples is watching their eyes slowly open to each other. For most of the first year they felt like three singletons that shared the same house, but over the last few months they’ve begun looking each other in the eyes, smiling, waving, and imitating each other. They give each other hugs when one is sad, offer each other toys, and hold hands on walks. It’s a slow and subtle change, but one that makes the whole experience and identity of being a parent of multiples slowly unfold and take shape.” –Ben, parent of triplets
“Double the joy, the laughter, the bond and experiencing first milestones because they don’t all come together. One of them will hit milestones sooner so we get to experience these twice! Also the girls have a built–in best friend for life. :)” –Naiomi, parent of twins
“The best part of having multiples is the bond that they have with each other. I often describe it as, ‘They’re best friends, when they’re not worst enemies.’ There’s truly nothing like it!” –Amy, parent of twins
“I love watching them grow and how they are an ‘instant community.’ They know each other so well and are each other’s best friends, and yet they are so different!” –John, parent of twins
“Our triplets sleep 7p–7a very consistently and sometimes I think that’s because they are comforted by having each other in the nursery. (It’s also probably because we have stuck to and gradually adjusted the routine over time.)” –Joe, parent of triplets
“As a first time parent, it has been so amazing to experience two different people blossoming at their own paces. We feel so lucky to have double the joy of parenthood!” –Annaka, parent of twins
As you reflect on the unique experiences shared by these parents, remember that you are not alone on this journey. Looking for more support and community as you prepare for your growing family? We’re excited to let you know about our upcoming Multiples Class!
Our “Expecting More: Birth, Postpartum + Parenting With Multiples” class is designed to equip you with many practical tips. This includes letting you ask questions to a panel of experienced parents of multiples. We also provide a safe space to share your experiences and concerns with other expecting parents. Together, we’ll explore everything from feeding and sleep strategies to juggling the demands of caring for multiple little ones.
This class is live as well as virtual, so you can participate no matter where you live! Class starts Wednesday, November 13, 6:30-8:30pm, and goes for four Wednesdays. Sign up here and turn the anticipation of this incredible chapter into a well-informed and empowering experience. We can’t wait to walk alongside you!
Lastly, check out our free Postpartum Plan Workbook. It provides extra guidance in preparing for your postpartum time (multiples or not). This can be a game changer as you prepare to thrive in your “fourth trimester!”
Based in the Twin Cities, Duluth, and Rochester, Better Beginnings is a go-to resource for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Whether you are interested in our premier postpartum doula services, or in wraparound services such as childbirth education, birth doula support, breastfeeding support, or placenta encapsulation, Better Beginnings is here to meet the need. Find us on social: Instagram | Pinterest
